A Festivus For The Rest Of Us - Part II

Woke up late.  Egg nog French toast casserole in the oven.  Dear Husband washing all the dishes.  Crisp winter day.  I sure am having myself a merry little day off!

Now where was I?

Six

Christmas Ham 

None

You've got to click on this picture to get a good look.  I'll admit, some of the fun of the PopKosher lifestyle is appreciating all of the things that are NOT kosher.  In this case, the above collage of treif meat is a generous serving of eye candy.  Look at it.  Behold the selection.  Take in the photography.  Mostly, marvel at it's affordability.

Seven 

Pumpkin Pie Wontons

Click here for the recipe.

The holy Jewish tradition of Chinese food and a movie on Christmas is so obvious, that I wasn't planning on mentioning it here at all.  And I'm still not.  But if you, like many, are planning a Chinese themed shabbat dinner tonight, add these to your menu!  They are a harmonious marriage* between Christian and Jewish Christmas customs.  I also love using Nasoya wonton wraps because you totally wouldn't expect them to be kosher, but they are (OU Pareve).  Afterall, aren't kreplach just wontons that are harder to pronounce?

*By no means am I endorsing intermarriage - just a good recipe.

Eight

What's Open?

A lesser-known tradition than the aforementioned, though time-honored nonetheless is the yearly wondering of what will or will not be open for business on Christmas.  CVS?  It has to be...it's CVS!  Maybe it's closing early.  Grocery stores?  Gyms?  Banks?  We know the safe bet is to assume that everything is closed, and we have no real need to go to these places anyway.  Perhaps every year we cease to be amazed how all-encompassing this holiday is to our culture.

Nine

Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire

OU Pareve

Whether you boil them or use Mel Tormé's preferred method, chestnuts are a holiday favorite that are a bitch to peel. That's why the geniuses at Gefen have done the work for you.  Since chestnuts are such a part of Christmas celebration, I am surprised that an exclusively kosher company like Gefen has cornered the market.  The Gefen brand is the only one I've seen.  Maybe Mel and Mr. Gefen were old Hebrew school buddies.

Ten

Canned Cheer

None

 

The holidays do bring out the good in people (except for when they bring out the crazy in people), and everyone is in the spirit to help others.  My office held a canned food drive in which I was happy to participate.  The flyer said that the organization running the drive was in specific need of canned pasta, chili, beef stew, etc.  I hope those in need enjoyed eating the Chef Boyardee as much as I enjoyed buying it.  Dinty Moore does not usually frequent my shopping cart, but it was a thrill to have him there.  I hope my guilty pleasure of buying treif food is someone else's innocent satiety.

Now, as I drive out of sight, good yontif to all, and to all a goodnight!

Oy To The World - Part I

True story:  A handful of years ago I asked my mom if we celebrated Christmas, what she would cook.  Logically, she answered that since we’d probably have a lot of people over she would likely make a kugel.  And so my fascination with the kosherfication of Christmas began. 

Last month I established that Thanksgiving was the highlight of the PopKosher year for the holiday’s innate Jewishness, and Jews’ ability to participate fully.  This month, I submit that Christmas is the other highlight of the PopKosher year for the complete opposite reason.  Despite there being absolutely nothing Jewish about Christmas and its celebration in America today, we can innocently participate anyway.*  Okay maybe not nothing.  There are the producers of those TV Christmas specials, the writers and composers of the classic Christmas songs, and well, Jesus himself.  Since Jesus was a nice Jewish boy, I’m sure he would appreciate all of the kosher ways to celebrate his birthday.

So, since ‘tis the season to make lists and check them more than once, I present to you my

Top Ten X-mas X-picks.

One 

Little Debbie’s Christmas Tree Cakes

Triangle-K Dairy

  

 A favorite since childhood, these arboreal treats remind me of a simpler time and place.  Even the white waxy coating, I mean frosting, is sweet nostalgia.  

Two

Holiday Tea

Various

Many fine tea purveyors come out with holiday teas around Christmas time and just about all of them are absolutely delicious.  Celestial Seasoning's holiday selection includes flavors like Sugar Plum Spice and Candy Cane Lane.  Also like drinking a hug is Bigelow's selection.  Kosher certified tea is pretty common, however the interesting tidbit here is that the holiday tea pictured above is actually Kof-K dairy.  Dairy tea!?  Who has ever heard of such a thing?

Three

Family Time

I love spending time with my family, but one of the best parts of the holiday season is when Christmas celebrators take time off of work to spend time with their families.  Since the office parking lot is practically empty, it's the most wonderful time of the year for front-row parking.  This generally slows the work day, leaving time for more important things, like list-making.

Four

Automated Cheer Dispensing
OU Dairy

 Look at this jubilant display of holiday spirit!  You don't see it?  Second shelf from the bottom.  Fifth and sixth bottles from the left. 

Egg nog!  Bryne Dairy's sweet, creamy delight available at the touch of a button.  I kept it the mini fridge and added it to my morning coffee :)

Five

Green Bean Casserole
Pareve

 

Flip through any holiday issue of Better Homes and Gardens and you'll see that no goyishe holiday feast is complete without the classic green bean casserole.  A quick Food Network search yields 100+ results.  Though nothing is inherently treif about the recipe (green beans, milk, condensed cream of mushroom soup, salt, pepper, French's fried onions), since most holiday feast include some kind of meat focal-point, a dairy side dish (just like dairy tea) just won't do.  I've discussed the wonder of Imagine Foods before, but this time I'm talking about their Creamy Portobello Mushroom soup (OU Pareve).  In an act of dairy deception, use Imagine's soup thickened with a roux to give the dish a pleasantly pareve creaminess.

Stayed tuned for Part II...!

*By no means am I endorsing Jews' religious participation in Christmas, but even Joe Scroogewitz can find some pleasure in the holiday season.  And plus, I don't discriminate.  If it's certified kosher, I'll eat it no matter what shape it's molded into or color foil it's wrapped in.  Deep down, chocolate Santa is just chocolate.

What Is Kosher?

Last night on Jeopardy!, Jennifer Huff (maybe Jewish), a customer service rep from Holidaysburg, PA (never mind) made us proud when she answered correctly by asking the right question in the category "Off-Limits."  This wins her $800 that she eventually loses.

 

   

Even though opponent Tom Nissley didn't know kosher, he knew enough other stuff to win for the third night in a row.

Last night was not the first time I've been moved to photograph my TV during Jeopardy!.  Anyone else remember February 3rd's episode?

$800 clue from the category "I'm Feelin' Happy!"

Of course the answer-question was "What is Joy?" and refers to the SNL parody of The View starring Fred Armisen/Noam Besdin as Joy Behar.

 

And for good measure, one more clip to bring it full-circle.

Hold Onto Your Hats – It’s Hanukkah!

Photo:  CrownHeights.info

So, what better day to post my Hanukkah entry than the penultimate day of the holiday?

Hanukkah was really flung into the spotlight this year, thanks to the adorable Maacabeats.  You must have received the link to their YouTube hit in a Happy Hanukkah email from just about everyone you know.  The oil lasted for eight days, but their festive version of Mike Tompkin’s version of Taio Cruz’s “Dynamite” will probably be stuck in your head through Tu B’shvat.  But who are these Yeshiva boys and are they single?

His mother must have plotzed when he told her that he was putting med school on hold.

Poor Borenstein Boyz.  The Maccabeats really stole their thunder.  Bad.

Try again after your bar mitzvah, bros.

For all the mainstream coverage Hanukkah got this year, some people still don't have all of their facts straight.

Let's give her a break.  There aren't many Jews in Miami.



And finally, in yet another Hanukkah miracle, Krispy Kreme is making a komeback!  

Photo:  CrownHeights.info

 After a too long hiatus, Krispy Kreme (KOA) is opening brand new locations, and is even offering special Hanukkah donuts.  This affects me personally, as one such location is not far from me!


We loved all the attention Hanukkah got this year, but it's not really the holiday that needed it.  C'mon Maccabeats, "I whip my lulav back and forth?" 

Thinks Giving

A few thoughts about my favorite holiday.  Aside from the obvious reasons (food, family, 90210 marathon on SoapNet, et cetera), Thanksgiving is the highlight of the PopKosher year because it is a secularly celebrated day that offers Jews full and complete participation.  Thanks to President FDR, its Thursday status steers clear of Sabbath violations.  Its origin and imagery contain no overtly heretical or offensive themes.  But most importantly, its traditional foods are kosher!

I don't think it's a coincidence that this major American holiday accommodates Jews so well.  Rather, Thanksgiving is essentially a Jewish holiday adapted by America.  Afterall, Jews lichrally wrote the book on fleeing religious persecution.  The Separatist Pilgrims schlepped across the Atlantic Ocean on the Mayflower.  For us, the Red Sea parted, and we schlepped across on foot.

Okay, this might take you back a lifetime or two, but around now I like to dust off this clip from the 1986 Oscar winner for Best Live Action Short.  I first saw Molly's Pilgrim on a mid-November day in elementary school, luckily before my tear ducts fully matured.

And so, 389 Thanksgivings after that first New England one, we once again give thanks for our family, friends, health and the freedom and tolerance we experience in America, and hope that someday soon the persecuted can stop schlepping.

Paying the Price for Candy Corn

 

Pssssst.  Come closer.  I have a secret, but you can’t tell anyone.  Promise?  Swear??  Okay, here it is.  Kosher candy corn is sold all year-round.  Way!

Every time I visit the Kosher Experience section of my local ShopRite, I make sure to check the low shelf in a back corner to see that my stash of O’Goody’s yellow-orange-white kernels remains plentiful.  And alas, my candy corn cup runneth over.

I acknowledge and appreciate this abundance, and for most weeks of the year consider it a true blessing.  However, we currently find ourselves in those few weeks where the existence of that blessing becomes a curse – our sugary Achilles Heel.  Since Halloween is not celebrated by the majority of people who would only eat kosher candy corn, its demand throughout the year remains constant.  There is no need, then, for seasonal promotion – read: IT NEVER FREAKING GOES ON SALE!

Thanks to our OU-certified friends at Jelly Belly, this seasonal outlet is the closest we can get.  Enjoy.

The best part of Halloween is the post-Halloween, Jason Voorhees-style price-slashing on all fun-sized confections.  This year was especially torturous for me with the emergence of CC flavors like blackberry cobbler and crème brûlée for less than ¾ of a dollar!

 

In the world of mainstream candy, candy corn remains on my running list of treif hold-outs that could easily be made kosher with some adjustments (I’m talking to you, Peeps!).

But that’s just between you and me.

Playing the Stock Market

Stock-in-a-box.  Anyone who has ever watched an episode of 30 Minute Meals knows that it is the key to slow-cooked flavor in quick-cooking recipes.  Seriously, there’s a place for it in just about everything:  boil rice and grains in it, flavor sauces, make soups, even trade it for EVOO in low-fat salad dressings.  Rachael Ray liked it, so she put her Adirondack face on it.  I’ve tried to mimic stock’s magical powers with Osem's fake chicken powder – which is, when added to water, kinda the same.

Enter Imagine Foods.  Their wide variety of OU-certified boxed soups has always been impressive, but it’s the addition of kosher chicken broth (OU Meat) to their line that blew my mind.  I snapped this picture on a recent trip to Whole Foods.

It gives me a warm tingle when I see kosher products standing tall, side-by-side on the same self as their trief counterparts; proudly canoeing down the mainstream.  Call it assimilation.  Call it marketing.  Call it yum-O.

Glee-filte Fish

What’s the best part of Fox's megahit Glee?  The singing?  No.  Dancing?  Nope.  The unbridled hope and ambition of talented youth?  Uh-uh.

Give up?  It’s the Jew-cy one-liners served up by super hot Member of the Tribe, Noah Puckerman.

Last night's episode, “Never Been Kissed,” featured Puck’s return from a stint in a juvenile detention center, where apparently exists a dire lack of both chicks and kosher meal options.  Puck is unfortunately not the first bad-ass bocher to land in jail, so resources like the Aleph-Institute are out there for the next time he drives his mom's Volvo into a convenience store and leaves with the ATM.  It could happen to anyone.

 "There's no way I'm going back to Juvie. There's no chicks and no kosher meal options at that place."

Sure, a lot about Puck is not very kosher (ie:  Puckerman family Simchat Torah sweet-and-sour pork/Schindler’s List minhag).  But the combination of his unusual Jewish beefiness and acoustic guitar talents (ask any Jewish girl who went to sleep away camp what I mean) has us praying for his rehabilitation and successful immersion back into society.

Puck, if you’re out there, you’re not alone.  Chabad of Greater Dayton is just 70 miles from Lima.  I hear Rabbi Mangel there does an awesome mash-up of Hava Nagila and Adam Sandler’s The Hanukkah Song.  You might even prefer the more traditional, Schnapps-fueled Simchat Torah celebration.

Not Your Zayde's Cel-Ray

 

It seems only fitting that the inaugural Pop Kosher blog post would be about, well, pop.  The innovative mixologists at Jones Soda Co. have combined forces with the bacon experts at J&D Foods to come up with a bacon-flavored soda.  Buy yours here in a delicious gift pack, complete with 2 bottles of Jones Bacon Soda (Star-K), 1 bag of Bacon Pop popcorn (OU Pareve), 1 package of Bacon Gravy Mix (OU Dairy), and 1 tube of Bacon Lip Balm.  Just in time for Hanukkah!

Okay, some might say that a meaty, carbonated concoction sounds gross.  But for me, and kosher consumers like me, Jones Bacon Soda serves as another piece in the pig puzzle.  It allows us to round out our understanding of what bacon really tastes like.  “Facon” products like Bac-Os and Morningstar Farms Veggie Bacon Strips have gotten us this far, but Jones Bacon Soda gives us a new way to experience fake bacon flavor, which is the closest we’ll ever get.

And, even if this soda is just a gimmicky fad like the Crystal Pepsi or Pepsi Kona of yore, we can at least look forward to the inevitable SNL commercial spoof.